Operation: Desperate FanGirl
by Dancing Feather
Summary: No one is willing to go out with either Sakura or Ino. So obviously, that means there is only one solution for the two girls. Parodying the majority of shoujo/shounen-ai fanfics. :oneshot of moldy crack:


Unless you just started into Naruto this should have no spoilers. If you're new to copyright, Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto. If you are new to me, I want you to please correct me if you see any bad spelling, grammatical, or story telling.

If you are not new to Naruto, and know who owns him, and know who I am-

Then you probably have your crack ready.

* * *

**Operation: Desperate Fan Girl**

"Sakura?" Ino asked, not over the phone but directly to the pink haired girl's back. Not that Sakura's back was covered in pink hair. Ino was sitting on Sakura's bed, which by strange coincidence, also happened to be in Sakura's room.

"Yeah?" They were both wearing pajamas. Since they were best friends and all of that, they were wearing their usual sleepy attire when no one was around. So it was all very revealing. This was suppose to be a sleep over. Which it will be when they both become comatose.

"Do you think I'm hot?" She pulled Sakura's pink pillow from it's usual pink sitting place to hug it. Why is everything pink?

"Of course!" Sakura sat down at the foot of her bed. "If I were a lesbian, I'd be drooling all over you like my straight self goes for Sasuke!" She grinned, hoping a little absurdity would cheer her friend up.

"Do you really mean that?" It didn't seem to as Ino frowned.

"Yes." Sakura rose a pink eyebrow in curiosity as she patted Ino's back. "Ino, what's the matter...?"

"No matter what I do, no one will go out with me." She then buried her face into the pillow and sighed a most sad sigh. Being single was just that bad.

"They probably all think you're taken-" Sakura shrugged as Ino snapped her head back up.

"No! I mean, well..." She bit her lower lip and blushed, the facts she was about to give Sakura troubled her that dearly. "...all the nice looking guys aren't interested in me. Either they have a girl or they're gay."

"Hmmm..." Sakura rubbed her chin in thought. "I haven't been having much luck either..."

"What about Naruto?" Ino prompted.

"What about him?" Sakura blinked.

"Never mind." Someone something.

"Sadly, I only know one sure fire way to get the guys all over us." Sakura folded her pink arms, showing that the knowledge she possessed was dangerous.

"If you know it, then spit it out!" But Ino didn't care.

"You're not going to like hearing it." She shook her head.

"How do you know? You haven't told me." Ino dropped the pillow so she could place her hands on her hips.

"Alight, but you asked for it." Sakura exhaled pink. "To get the guys all over us, we got to act like lesbians."

"Like Tenten?"

"No, not a trans-woman!" She made an x with her arms, signifying that her brain recognized patterns.

"Okay..."

"It's alright if you don't want to do this, it's really awkward..."

"Think about it Sakura, if we do this then Lee will have no choice but to step down!" Ino attempted to bribe.

"I don't know, he wears awfully tight stuff..." She stroked her chin again, perhaps she is growing a beard."You sure he's not a trans-man?"

"Oh dear." Ino put a hand to her face in mild shock. "Do you really think so?" Sakura shrugged. "If he is... maybe he's a better ninja than I thought." There was a few moments of silence as the girls tried to understand the conversation they had thus far. "So... how are we going to pull this off?" Ino decided to get back on subject.

"Well..." Sakura scratched the back of her head. "First, we have to practice. People won't buy it if we are clumsy with each other." Sakura gulped. "We are going to have to kiss."

"Understandable." Ino nodded, also blushing.

"Please don't consider this rude," Sakura scooted closer to Ino. "but you don't mind me closing my eyes?"

"No! Not at all!" Ino nervously giggled, "It's completely understandable!" And then blue and pink eyes closed as the girls edged near each other.

_'Think Sasuke, think Sasuke...' _They both thought,_ 'This is for him. Sasuke!' _As their lips collided, there was a flashing light....

Then somewhere in Sound Village, Sasuke sneezed. All over Kabuto.

* * *

"The end." Groused Kakashi as he rubbed his only visible eye.

"Cool!" Naruto whipped the blood from his nose and grinned. "That was an awesome story! What's the moral?" Sakura however, was livid.

"HOW WAS THAT SUPPOSE TO HELP US DO THIS MISSION?"

"Who's Kabuto?" Sasuke frowned.


End file.
